…for active listening

Sorry, did you say something?

<KIDDING>

Though seriously, when there's something on your mind there's nothing worse than being ignored. Or someone being preoccupied with something else. Or the other end of the scale - someone jumping in with 1000 solutions. Cos you never thought to come up with any solutions yourself, right? 🙄

It's just the same for the kids.

It can take a long time for children to open up about their worries. So it’s really important to make the most of the opportunity when they do.

We love a bit of ACTIVE HOPE here at Be The Future, but now we’re introducing ACTIVE LISTENING. This means not just listening, but proper listening. Being present. Allowing the other person to dictate the pace and conversation. Something that doesn’t come naturally to solution-focused adults.

So we listened carefully to your pleas for help (see what I did there) and here are 10 tips for active listening:

1. Pay attention

   Whether scrolling on the phone, cooking, working, taking the register, reading, talking to grandma - stop what you are doing and give them your full attention.

   It's so hard when we have such busy lives, but those other things are not as important as your child's mental state and that they feel comfortable to open up.

   They already know the politicians and those in charge don't care, don't leave them thinking you don't either. Focus on your child and what they’re saying.

2. Let them fill the silences

   Don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes, we need time to process our thoughts. Respect your child’s silence and let them take their time. Nod, say a gentle ‘mmm’ or yes but no more.

   Don't leap in with suggestions, solutions, and questions. You’ll learn what their telling sign is when they are ready for you to speak.

   Also, encourage them to explore their deeper feelings. Try a gentle ‘tell me more about how that feels?’, or ‘can you tell me more about why that worries you?’.

3. Partner with them to come up with solutions

   If you feel you need to respond, ask a question where you can partner with them. Use 'we' and 'us' to take some responsibility off their shoulders and show you’re a team. And let your child offer solutions.

   For example, good questions are: ‘what can we do to help you feel better?’ or ‘what would you like us to do to fix that?’

4. Mirror their body language

   It's unconscious behaviour to your child, but it can be comforting and helps build connection or rapport.

   If they’re leaning forward, lean forward. If they are sat legs crossed, copy them. And try to sit side by side or in a relaxed way - not across a table so they feel like they’re being interviewed.

5. Don’t interrupt

   Let your child finish their thought without interruption.

   Interrupting can be seen as disrespectful. Or that you’re impatient, that you don’t have time for them, or that you’re not really interested in what they have to say.

6. Ask questions

   Asking questions can help you to better understand what your child is saying. It can also help to clarify any confusion, and can lead to a more meaningful conversation.

7. Don’t judge

   When actively listening, it’s important to remain open-minded. Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions about your child’s point of view. And don’t let your own biases or opinions cloud your judgment.

8. Provide feedback

   Offer feedback or observations to your child in a non-judgmental way. This can help to keep the conversation flowing and can help to deepen the connection between you and your child.

9. Show empathy

   Showing empathy can help to create a deeper connection between you and your child. Try to put yourself in their shoes and think about how they may be feeling.

10. Follow up

    After the conversation is over, follow up with your child and ask them how they’re doing. This can show that you’re interested in the conversation and that you care about what they had to say.

All of these apply to kiddos AND adults. Your mission today is to go listen to someone. Really listen. And note the change in them as they unburden themselves.

You may just be very surprised at the power of your ears.